Eastenders What I wrote.

The scene opens in the Queen Vic.





Den is behind the bar pouring Pete Beale a pint of 'best' and a 'sherbet ' for someone Pete has referred to as 'Treacle'.





Angie has given a pint to Dr Legg 'on the aaaase' for no explained reason.








The camera pans to a table where Ethel is sat with the dippy bloke in the glasses who, in real life supports Arsenal and is supposed to be the Square's version of Curly Watts. You know, the one Michelle left at the altar.





Ethel: How did your first day working at the Thames Barrier go then?


Dippy bloke: Great thanks Et. A lot to learn though, it's a very responsible job.





Just then Lou Beale rushes in all panic stricken,.


Lou: Cor lumme guv and all that and everything, they've just given it out on the radio, there's a tidal bore making it's way up the Thames from the North Sea, it's gonna be massive and we're done for if the barrier don't work.





All eyes turn to the dippy bloke.





Close up on his horror struck face as he pulls a key from his overalls pocket.





Close up shifts to the label on the key that bears the legend' Property of Thames Flood Barrier. DO NOT REMOVE.'





Duff, Duff, Duff, Duff, Duff.





Cue closing credits and BBC continuity announcer stating that from next week this time slot will be filled by Panorama.





25 years on and the characters Ricky, Bianca, Well'Ard, Phil, Grant and Peggy are unknown in a country where people care about their real neighbours and families rather than fictional stereotypes from a land where people disappear to Leicester or Manchester only to return years later to open a car lot.